Inappropriate Language!

Anders was muttering under his breath, over and over, what sounded like "oh fuck."  I asked him abruptly, "What are you saying?"

"Why does that say "oh-fuc?" (pointing at a word on a magazine)

Big sigh of relief.  "That says 'office'."

Signs: They work

Anders scarfed down a home-made doughnut, then grabbed a piece of paper and made a sign:

1 Moor O 

All written in brown.  He put it in front of what I was reading and marched it around.  We need fewer protest signs in our lives, apparently.

It does make a good three word slogan, though: ONE MORE DOUGHNUT! ONE MORE DOUGHNUT!

NOO fr ril

I asked Anders to get his jammies on, and he said "Wait! I have to make a really important sign before that."

"Really?  Ok, make the sign, then get your jammies on."  A few minutes later, he comes up to me with the sign.  It reads:

NOO

fr ril

"Ok," I say.  "Go get your jammies on."
Anders points to the sign. 
Me, incredulously: "what??"
Anders: "It says NO - for real."
Me: "So you're not going to get your jammies on?"
Anders: "The sign says no."
Me: "And that's the sign you that was so important that you had to make before you got your jammies on?"
Anders: "Yep."

What the Pilgrims had for Thanksgiving

We were eating Thanksgiving dinner when my mother-in-law asked Anders, "Do you know what the Pilgrims had for Thanksgiving?"

Anders: "Indians."

The rest of us: Shocked silence, wide eyes, a few gasps...

Anders: "...FOR GUESTS! For guests."

World Record Attempt

Anders is learning to flip a coin.  So he comes down with two coins, a 50 cent piece and a plastic play coin.  He flips the plastic coin a few times, explaining that he's trying to get the world record in coin flipping.  Then he pulls out the real coin and says:

"It's time to get serious.  I call this one the Scorcher.  Because it's really good."

Seriously Sirius

Conversation with my boy and my 20 year old brother:

Me: "Anders, what is the name of the ocean the Titanic sailed across?"
Boy: "The Atlantic.  It was the North Atlantic."
Brother: "The Atlantic is between Europe and America?"
Boy: "Yes."
Brother, seemingly surprised: "Huh."

Me: "Do you know what the ocean on the other side of the United States is called?''
Boy: "Polaris?"
Me: "No, the Pacific.  Polaris is the name of the North Star.  Remember?"
Boy: "Oh, yeah.  Polaris.  Betelgeuse is another star."
Brother, staring incredulously: "What??"
Me: "I bet Uncle Paul didn't know that."
Boy: "Really?"
Brother: "Not really..."
Me: "So do you know any other star names?"
Boy, thinking: "The dog star? ...um..."
Me: "YES! Sirius is the dog star's name."
Boy: "Oh yeah!  Um, is it called 'serious' cause it's really really true?"

Why aren't we all this brilliant?

Boy was telling me about how this kid was being mean to him and to other people at school.  I asked him, "Why do you think that boy is being mean?"

"I don't know.  It makes me feel bad."

"Well, are you ever mean to anyone at school?"

"No! If you're mean to someone, they won't be your friend!"